Should we have to learn about sexual positivity from the media?
I wrote this blog about a year ago for a website called Writeous, I am not sure if the site is still going but I loved this piece and was too nervous to share it on my own blog and social channels. So, it only took me a year to pluck up the courage and publish it on The O Word. I haven’t amended anything from the article so please excuse any outdated references to series and advertising campaigns but I wanted to leave it as is for the effect. There is definitely so much more to be said about this subject but here’s to the first installment this year.
The Beginning
As I wait eagerly for the fifth and final season of The Bold Type I fill the Scarlet shaped hole in my life with Cosmopolitan’s “All the way with…” podcast hosted by Paisley Gilmore and Laura Capon. Each episode they welcome a guest to speak openly, and sometimes anonymously, about their sex and relationship experiences. As I struggled to find a suitable podcast from the plethora of topics available on Spotify, this series certainly offered the most thought-provoking, intriguing, and hilarious content.
Why should we feel ashamed?
With topics ranging from ‘throuples’, secret relationships, and tantric sex, there was certainly a lot to think about on my commute. But as I listened in on self-professed ‘sex goddess’ Sunni Joy speak about the energy created via tantric, all I could feel was a slight embarrassment, some blushing and awkward laughter, at 7.30 am, alone in my car?!
Compared to the hosts who speak so honestly and openly, this was certainly not “normal” behaviour. I couldn’t help but think why do some of us, myself included, feel so uncomfortable around these topics? As it boils down, a recurrent theme throughout the guest’s conversations is that they often felt they were doing something wrong, shameful or harmful.
These emotions often stemmed from a lack of sexual education from a young age. So many of us only learn or hear about sexual relationships in the media, whether this is through TV, film or on one extreme pornography. With this comes unrealistic expectations, misinformation and the possibility of unhealthy behaviours.
I want to be friends with Jane, Cat and Sutton
Some series however aim to tackle the issues facing young people in modern life and you guessed it, I am talking about The Bold Type. With its fair share of critics, viewers argue the show doesn’t delve deep enough into the issues it addresses. However, what other series do you know brings awareness to Jane’s baraka gene test that may signify breast cancer? Or focuses on Sutton’s decision not to have children and the continual exploration of Kat’s sexuality and the challenges this presents from all communities.
Sutton’s decision was a dominant storyline in season 4 with her reasons stemming from her poor childhood with an alcoholic mother along with her drive and passion to be the best fashion stylist in New York. As I haven’t seen the fifth season yet, and have avoided all clickbait spoilers online, I’ll be very disappointed if the writers go full “The Big Bang Theory” and lead the story to pregnancy.
This is similar to Penny’s character who declared in the second last episode she was expecting despite stating previously that having a family wasn’t the plan for her. So why did it have to be? These choices should be normalised in mainstream media, as not every woman’s goal is to have a family.
Sex, STIs and School
With the need to highlight diverse relationships comes the requirement to emphasise and communicate sexual health. I attended a Catholic high school and our sexual education course details the biology and dangers of having sex i.e. pregnancy and STIs. Surely it has to be better than that? Whilst safe sex, consent and contraception are undeniably important, other topics go beyond this, topics that are often overlooked as too “embarrassing” to be mentioned. Issues like UTIs, thrush and everyone’s favourite, menstruation. Recent campaigns surrounding period poverty highlight both the need for effective learning and education on the topic.
However, a recent campaign that failed to reach the desired outcome on this subject was Tampax’s “Tampons and tea” advert. Banned in Ireland by the Advertising Standards Authority of Ireland (ASAI) for causing “widespread offence”, portraying a dim view of women and including “sexual innuendo”, the campaign massively missed the mark. However, that does not mean the topic shouldn’t be tackled again. These campaigns are vital for many reasons such as a lack of awareness from young girls on using menstrual aids such as pads, and tampons and I wouldn’t even know where to begin with menstrual cups.
Coming of age in a digital world
Coming of age experiences for many of us is hard enough without the added pressures from social media and the constant connection to the online world. Young people have access to positive, negative and dangerous information online. We have seen firsthand during the pandemic the damage this can cause. Primarily the consequences for our health and also our attitudes towards others causing concerns based on fake news and falsification of facts.
Effective education and online management would help prepare young people for the sometimes overwhelming state of modern relationships and sexual positivity. With the idea of protecting one’s innocence, sometimes we may be sheltering children so much that they go looking for answers in alternative and sometimes harmful places.
Emotional > Physical
Thankfully open communication surrounding sexual positivity has come forward leaps and bounds in the past decade. However, there is much more that still needs to be done. On the surface, the topic of sex may seem X-rated, but when you think of all the different factions from our health, relationship dynamics, and representation, a seemingly physical subject boils down to a much more emotional and social debate.