Spotlight
I love Schitt’s Creek. It’s my comfort show, and I aspire to have the glamour and sass of Moira Rose throughout my life. The series took on a life of its own during the pandemic and became a global hit with its hilarious script, meaningful moments about family, friends, and relationships, along with the incredible costumes. But there is one scene that always sticks out to me from the series and that is David’s driving test.
In the scene, Alexis shares some insightful advice with a very nervous and self-deprecating David. The conversation went as below.
David: Okay, I’m gonna need you to step out of the car for 20 minutes, so that I can do my transcendental meditation before I fail this test.
Alexis: Okay, you are acting all sorts of crazy right now. This honestly does not matter. Nobody cares.
David: Uh, people care. I care, the driving examiner person cares.
Alexis: No, he doesn’t. Trust me, people aren’t thinking about you the way that you’re thinking about you.
David: What does that mean?
Alexis: You always overthink everything, and that’s why you fail all the time.
Overthinking and me
I was a big overthinker, I would become so wrapped up in an internal conversation that when I went to say what I had planned, the words would come out as a stammer or a mix-mash of confusion. So much so, that it would be easier just to say nothing. When I was younger my quietness often was seen as being stuck up or haughty when on the inside I was really just paralysed by crippling anxiety. I didn’t have these feelings with my friends, family, or those I was comfortable around - but definitely in new environments. Thankfully I have gotten a lot more confident in my thoughts and have taken a leaf out of Alexis’ book by realising that people aren’t thinking about me the way I think they are.
The Spotlight Effect
In psychology, there is a concept referred to as the spotlight effect it is “the idea that people tend to overestimate how much others notice aspects of one’s appearance or behaviour.” This phenomenon often means people mind-read about others and form their own opinions that aren’t correct but are a reflection of their own worries about themselves.
In the spotlight, we think our flaws and mistakes are largely visible but in reality, this is our social anxiety taking over. There are methods to cope with the impact of social anxiety and I have listed these below.
How to overcome the spotlight effect
Stop thinking you are the main character in your story
This egocentric bias causes us to think people are obsessing over our every move. Whether it is what we wear, say, or post online. It’s important to remember that whilst we matter so much we are small cogs in the machine. Everyone has their own worries or concerns and lives to deal with so stop thinking that they’re concerned about yours. When you realise this, you are free from thinking that everyone scrutinises your behaviour.
2. Stop playing Psychic Sally
You, nor Sally, are a psychic, you can’t read minds and examine people’s thoughts. Instead of conjuring up an idea of what people might be thinking about you, try and read what their actual body language and words are telling you. Stop assuming the worst from your actions and consider that what you have done is correct, acceptable or totally normal.
Public service announcement: This is not you.
3. Be like Pink and shout, “So What?!”
Pink offers a lot of wisdom in her 2008 hit “So What”, ask yourself this question when you’re feeling particularly uneasy and anxious. So what you think everyone is going to laugh at your bold fashion choice, so what you dyed your hair and got bangs because of watching Emily in Paris, so what you posted several videos of you and your boyfriend on NYE with the caption “My love”. The world is still standing, barely, but that isn’t anything to do with you.
So, in short, Get Over Yourself
Clearly, the spotlight effect is a serious psychological condition that is on a continuum. Some people might experience mild social discomfort whilst others may suffer from severe debilitating anxiety that requires professional help or medication. But for those, like me, who are affected by this in certain social settings the best thing we can do is get over ourselves. Let’s ask ourselves “So what” when we’re in uncomfortable settings, let’s be less egocentric and more in tune with our surroundings. In the words of Alexis Rose, “No one cares”, and as long as we care about ourselves, the rest of the world will fall into suit.